my colour is grey. not yellow, or orange, as usual. and I'm trying damn hard to put off this Grey in me.

Ay bilang:

Lo mau sampe kapan kayak gini? Lagian lo gak sendirian kok sekarang, lo punya gw, Parol, Inal, Kakek. Lo gak sendirian gitu. Dan kalo dia gak mau ngomong lagi sama lo, ya itu resiko yg harus lo terima. Please, jangan lo yang ngejar-ngejar dia.

Parol bilang:

Terakhir nangis kapan? (mmm.. udah gak nangis lagi kok) BOONG!!! Liat tuh mata, trus sekarang lo gak makan lagi? Gila lo ya! Mau sampe kapan lo pacaran sama botol aqua plastik? Lo deserve yang jauh lebih baik, beneran deh! Sekarang gw mau lo makan! (rol, tapi ini rasanya gak enak banget! Bukan marah, bukan apapun, tapi ini gak enak banget!) iya gw tau gak enak, tapi udah ya. Gak enaknya Cuma kerasa sekarang aja kok.

Inal bilang :

Gini deh, Tih. Anggeplah rasa sayang lo sama Kim sebesar Jupiter. Jupiter kan planet paling gede kan? Well, is Jupiter really that big to you? Cause you still have this whole world beserta planet-planet kecil lainnya yang sayang sama lo. So just keep the Jupiter deep down inside your heart, then move on.

Rayi bilang :

(I have to let him go deh, Ray..) Yeah! (mau gak mau, suka gak suka) Super right! Masalah bisa gak bisanya urusan nanti deh, Tan. Yang penting lo lupain dulu deh tuh orang. How’s your feeling, Tan? (pretty good Ray..)

Ty bilang :

Tantee, gw gak mau lo yg jadi “Willy”-nya sekarang. Lo bukan Willy kan? (aaaah, gw gak mau disamain sama Willy!!) nah yauda, dia ninggalin lo, lo juga jangan ngejar-ngejar dia lagi!

: And I’m happy to have you all. You’re my Mercury, Mars, Venus, Pluto, Earth

and if you believe, you'll do best without me. then I'll let it go Boy! it's over! ( If You Leave - Musiq Soulchild feat. Mary J Blige )

this day will one day be the past. so I walk in faith that this too shall pass ( This too Shall Pass - India Arie )

date and time

Well.. FK really sucks my real life, when I was almost forgotten one of my good friend’s birthday.

Entah Cuma sekedar penolakan atau apa ya istilahnya, gw emang gak pernah dan paling gak bisa inget tanggal ulang tahun, mm.. anything relevants to date and time, maybe.

Dari duluuu!! Bukan gw gak pengen respect ke orang ini atau bukan gw gak mau mengingat momen intim atau momen terbaik tentang teman gw ini, tapi yaa.. I try harder to keep remember things, yang lagi-lagi relevan dengan angka dan tanggal, and I.. really don’t come into it.

But I try, really I do. Untuk beberapa orang yang emang “special case”, entah kenapa semacam udah stuck di kepala gw. “special case” disini artinya dengan kemungkinan komunikasi gw dan orang ini terbilang rutin. Yaa, tapi lagi-lagi, back to the case dimana FK really sucks my entire real life, dimana seringnya gw betul-betul lupa sama yang namanya tanggal, that’s it.

crap and there it goes.. the crapiest thing you ever read!

Everyone do cry. Everyone do cry for many reasons.

Dan gw? One of those everyone. And the reason, a boy called K. And the thing He does to me? Don’t know, but it’s just simply ruin that night.

And I cry.

The things I do remember that night, adalah .. gw marah untuk hal sepele gak penting, dan itu rasanya betul-betul gak enak. Gw tutup telpon. Gw taro tu esia di wastafel. Gw tutup pintu kamar mandi, and I laid down on my bed. Do the cry. Keep in my silent. Tapi gw bukan orang yg cukup pintar untuk menyembunyikan panas meleleh di pipi gw hahaha. And there she comes, my room-mate. Dan gambaran terakhir yg gw inget adalah.. I cry and I really can’t do the breath.

Dari tangisan malam itu, I do realize many many things. Some, maybe facts. But some, maybe just thoughts. Then, I watched Grey’s last day after I cried, and I loveeee this scene when Izzie talks to Denny..

“I always love you. I will always love you. But I have to move on.”

Dan hari ini ketika keadaan antara gw dan K sudah cukup membaik, ooh I hate the things that I still don’t want to go home. I keep on escaping Jakarta, lebih tepatnya.

But I love persons who really come cheerful-ing me when I was still laying on my bed. Room-mate, the best person I ever met, yang betul-betul tidur disamping gw dan keeping her trust that I’ve got something to move on, that I can’t be like this hurting myself to love K. Adalagi Sasa, yang dengan mudahnya membuat gw terharu biru pas gw lagi boker. Not a special words, but she asks me to come home. Come HOME! The place that I’ve been escaping for a quite long weeks later. But she trusts me to come home, finding the things that will makes me better. Dan adalagi Rayi, the most evilish person I ever met, who sends me a voicenote and talk in her pussy-voice “Tantee jangan sedih yaaa”. Oh I love you all..

And this, a note that Rayi gave to me:

Tan, lo tuh super no worries.

Then I shouldn’t be worry about anything distract me, right?